Triolet

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Catherine Edmunds
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Triolet

Post by Catherine Edmunds »

I'm a big fan of some of the more formal schemes for writing poetry, so thought I'd do an occasional posting to demonstrate these and give a brief explanation of how to write them.

The Triolet is quick and easy. You just need two rhymes, and plenty of repetition. Most triolets I've seen appear to be in either iambic pentameter or iambic tetrameter. I've chosen the latter.

This is the scheme for rhymes and repetitions:

A
B
a - Rhymes with 1st line
A
a - Rhymes with 1st line
b - Rhymes with 2nd line
A
B


And in case that didn't make much sense, here's one I wrote earlier...


Sweet endurance

He stretches, twists, towards the sky
unwinds his length, then grips and holds.
His season's short, explaining why
he stretches, twists, towards the sky
as weather's fury passes by.
Then as each fragrant bloom unfolds
he stretches, twists, towards the sky
unwinds his length, then grips and holds.
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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Post by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh »

Nice one Delph :D. Thanks for sharing some of your knowledge and skill mate...

I have to be honest and say I learned a lot through interacting with you and Mike D on that former writer's community (Lugh spits) and had it not been for the thug / thugs running it, we all would have gladly continued to learn from one another...

Hopefully you will pass on more wisdom on the artform of writing poetry to us all Delph. That would be brilliant, but only if you're up for it...

Cheers :) ...
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

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My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

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Post by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh »

Hi Delph :)

Is this reworked piece by me, Triolet?

Dream Lover...
By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
  • Sweet jasmine essence fills our space
    with blue, soft spoken, smoke curls.
    I dream I feel your fingers trace
    up my length then us in deep space.
    Awake. Heartbroken; 'oh, this place'.
    I breathe your name into my world's.
    The Joss stick's jasmine fills my space
    with blue, softly spoken, smoke curls...
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
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BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


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Catherine Edmunds
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Post by Catherine Edmunds »

Lovely sensuous poem, Lugh, but not quite a triolet, because you haven't done the required repetition. In the scheme I wrote out, all lines marked "A" (or "B")are literally the same line - they don't just rhyme. So to make your poem into a triolet, it would have to be butchered like this:

Sweet jasmine essence fills our space
with blue, soft spoken, smoke curls.
I dream I feel your fingers trace
sweet jasmine essence fills our space.
Awake. Heartbroken; 'oh, this place'.
I breathe your name into my worlds.
Sweet jasmine essence fills our space
with blue, soft spoken, smoke curls...


I'd probably have used 'smokey' rather than just 'smoke', to keep the rhythm going. In your original last line, you had 'softly' instead of 'soft', but although that gives you the right syllable count, it upsets the rhythm. Some people would applaud you for this, liking the transposition of iamb and trochee to add interest, but I think in such a short poem it's nice to remain iambic throughout. :)
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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Post by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh »

delph_ambi wrote:Lovely sensuous poem, Lugh, but not quite a triolet, because you haven't done the required repetition. In the scheme I wrote out, all lines marked "A" (or "B")are literally the same line - they don't just rhyme. So to make your poem into a triolet, it would have to be butchered like this:

Sweet jasmine essence fills our space
with blue, soft spoken, smoke curls.
I dream I feel your fingers trace
sweet jasmine essence fills our space.
Awake. Heartbroken; 'oh, this place'.
I breathe your name into my worlds.
Sweet jasmine essence fills our space
with blue, soft spoken, smoke curls...


I'd probably have used 'smokey' rather than just 'smoke', to keep the rhythm going. In your original last line, you had 'softly' instead of 'soft', but although that gives you the right syllable count, it upsets the rhythm. Some people would applaud you for this, liking the transposition of iamb and trochee to add interest, but I think in such a short poem it's nice to remain iambic throughout. :)
Cheers Delph :)

I will work further on it this week...
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.
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Catherine Edmunds
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Post by Catherine Edmunds »

KILLING TIME

I’m killing time and writing rhyme
while waiting for the paint to dry.
I murdered him, and for my crime
I’m killing time and writing rhyme
disguising bloodstains, gore and slime.
Thick paint will hide my guilt. That’s why
I’m killing time and writing rhyme
while waiting for the paint to dry.

:shock:
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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Post by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh »

delph_ambi wrote:KILLING TIME

I’m killing time and writing rhyme
while waiting for the paint to dry.
I murdered him, and for my crime
I’m killing time and writing rhyme
disguising bloodstains, gore and slime.
Thick paint will hide my guilt. That’s why
I’m killing time and writing rhyme
while waiting for the paint to dry.

:shock:
^ That is feckin' brilliant Delph :D ...

Excellent comedy too mate :lol: ...
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


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psikottix
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Post by psikottix »

My friend was looking over my shoulder as I was reading this, and thought she'd have a go... she wasn't quite sure if it was essential to retain the same number of syllables in each line

Softest Angels

Soft mahogany pools of love
Brightly shining mirroring souls
Gaze joyfully upwards to those above
Soft mahogany pools of love
Purpose of living is giving thereof
Warming gently like glowing coals
Soft mahogany pools of love
Brightly shining mirroring souls
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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Post by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh »

psikottix wrote:My friend was looking over my shoulder as I was reading this, and thought she'd have a go... she wasn't quite sure if it was essential to retain the same number of syllables in each line

Softest Angels

Soft mahogany pools of love
Brightly shining mirroring souls
Gaze joyfully upwards to those above
Soft mahogany pools of love
Purpose of living is giving thereof
Warming gently like glowing coals
Soft mahogany pools of love
Brightly shining mirroring souls
That is absolutely beautiful. Your friend is a damn fine poet and wordsmith. I salute your friend :D ...
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.
Wendy Forder
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Post by Wendy Forder »

Okay I fess up, its was my poem that I made Psi post. And since Lugh was crazy enough to encourage me, I have chucked out two more, albeit very different topics.

Wasn't quite sure if this was the right place to keep posting Triolets, so if they need to be moved, feel free to move them.

How, where, why

Frustration, inaction, where do I start
Near full to bursting with unexplained thought
Empty but yearning, an unfulfilled heart
Frustration, inaction, where do I start
Unknowing, but wanting to own my own part
The planet spins onward and I am still fraught
Frustration, inaction, where do I start
Near full to bursting with unexplained thought

This is a very silly one, but Psi said he liked the rhythm of it...

Puppies

Cuddly, snugly bundles of scrummy
Squidgy and lovable, slightly damp nuzzles
Want to inhale them like sweet smell of honey
Cuddly, snugly bundles of scrummy
Silky and fluffy and soft as a bunny
Snuffly noses and whiskery muzzles
Cuddly, snugly bundles of scrummy
Squidgy and lovable, slightly damp nuzzles


I am not at all obsessed by my hounds, honest :wink:
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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Post by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh »

Truly wrote: Okay I fess up, its was my poem that I made Psi post. And since Lugh was crazy enough to encourage me, I have chucked out two more, albeit very different topics.
Crazy doesn't even begin to describe me Truly :P ... I'm known as Lugh the Loop (in certain circles) <--- bad joke :roll: ...
Truly wrote: Wasn't quite sure if this was the right place to keep posting Triolets, so if they need to be moved, feel free to move them.

How, where, why

Frustration, inaction, where do I start
Near full to bursting with unexplained thought
Empty but yearning, an unfulfilled heart
Frustration, inaction, where do I start
Unknowing, but wanting to own my own part
The planet spins onward and I am still fraught
Frustration, inaction, where do I start
Near full to bursting with unexplained thought
Yip. This is the right section Truly :) . It's a shame Delph's not around to give you proper feedback on these. Maybe Mike (danimik) will assist. For what it's worth; here are my thoughts:-

Your first piece 'How, where, why' is positively wonderful. I really like the way it begins with a description of your feelings and unanswered questions; "Frustration, inaction, where do I start" . This sets the content and pace for the piece and as it progresses this unfolds so that by the time you get to the 5th line there is still an awareness of dilemma but a clarity and resolution is achieved namely knowing what you want; "Unknowing, but wanting to own my own part".

Harking back to my point about pace you then go on to write; "The planet spins onward and I am still fraught" which brings about images (at least for me) of the entire world moving but caught in similar frustrating situations...

I simply love the way you've rhymed 'thought' with 'fraught'. That is superb and not something many would think to use. To the best of my knowledge it's original and ultra cool 8) ...
Truly wrote: This is a very silly one, but Psi said he liked the rhythm of it...

Puppies

Cuddly, snugly bundles of scrummy
Squidgy and lovable, slightly damp nuzzles
Want to inhale them like sweet smell of honey
Cuddly, snugly bundles of scrummy
Silky and fluffy and soft as a bunny
Snuffly noses and whiskery muzzles
Cuddly, snugly bundles of scrummy
Squidgy and lovable, slightly damp nuzzles


I am not at all obsessed by my hounds, honest :wink:
You and my sister would get on brilliantly. She has 3 dogs; Biscuit, Daisy and Lady. My mum has; Misty. All are quite insane and utterly loveable and everyone of them think I'm some sort of two-legged tin-opener. Really fun pets dogs. They bring out the comedy and humour in us all. I can't wait to get a transfer out of this flat I'm in to a bungalow. I too intend to get a puppy...

As for the poem you've written above. It's definitely a doggie/puppie owner's piece and I would imagine it would be delightful to a great many readers :D ...

I don't know if Psi's told ya, but we do all sorts of cool animation GIF designs here (amongst other things). If you have a digital camera and take a few pictures of your puppies, we can design a cool signature image for you to use on here and other online communities and forums you visit. Free of charge of course. If you want one made, put a 'flea' (sorry, couldn't resist that one) in Psi's ear and he'll give you my email details so you can send your images as attachments...

Oh, and I've been rambling like a loon to everyone about an hilarious mockumentary movie called; Best In Show, which is about the contestants in the American equivalent to Crufts. Psi has a copy on DVD, so give him a gentle dig in the ribs and ask him to press 'play'...

Thanks for sharing your writing Truly. Great work mate :D ...
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.
Wendy Forder
human rights activist & writer
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Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2007 1:26 am
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Post by Wendy Forder »

Thanks very much for all your feedback and compliments :oops: :D

I'll hopefulyl be back tomorrow, to leave a longer reply :wink:
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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Post by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh »

Truly wrote:Thanks very much for all your feedback and compliments :oops: :D
You're very welcome Truly :) ...
Truly wrote:I'll hopefulyl be back tomorrow, to leave a longer reply :wink:
Nice one :D ...
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.
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