Feedback on Side-Effects by Salvador C. Oria...

This link will take you to poetry by featured guests and members of Sensitize ©.

Moderator: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh

User avatar
Salvador Oria
poet & writer
Posts: 63
Joined: Tue Feb 28, 2006 6:51 pm
Location: buenos aires, argentina
Contact:

Not duck bills, nor any bills at all, but billows...

Postby Salvador Oria » Tue Jul 25, 2006 9:32 pm

Hi Delph, long time no see ya!
When you began with your "bill" possible meanings I was completely outfoxed. What is this missus talking about? Because upon re-reading the poem my brain "translated" it automatically over and over into billows, as that was the intended word (which my lazy fingers shorthanded to bill) that I thought was there. If you were surprised imagine my own!
As usual you're right at least in your appreciation of how flow shold flow... and I like your three verse longer stanzas (although I'd place them one after the other) turning line end rhymes into internals that sound much better. Fortunately no one here cried for my life for suggesting the use of a forbidden weed. As a matter of fact I had my first puffs while I was in London in 1970. The club where I lived for some months (a posh W1 place in-between Shepherds' Market & Green Park) was very liberal about this and other things that I wouldn't describe here but I might write about one day. A generous guests' supply of reefers, spirits, tickets to shows & discos and friendly gals was always ready. After one two many I could have hanged from the one-arm-bandit and stay there until the sun broke the horizon line or breakfast was served whichever the first. Good ol' times those where one was able to park the Mini almost anywhere, drive all around the City and sunbathe at most public parks without interference.
PS: I'll change bill the kid for billows asap.
"...my dreams were all my own; i accounted for them to nobody; they
were my refuge when annoyed - my dearest pleasure when free."
mary shelley in her author's introduction to "frankestein", 1831.

User avatar
Catherine Edmunds
artist, poet & writer
Posts: 428
Joined: Fri May 05, 2006 8:05 pm
Location: north east england
Contact:

Postby Catherine Edmunds » Wed Jul 26, 2006 5:20 pm

Aha! Billows! Don't know why I didn't think of that.

I wonder if I walked past you in London in 1970. Quite possibly. But if I did, I was probably on my way to the opera, or a concert; maybe an art gallery. I'm obviously far posher than you :D

Btw, you posted a poem about a snake, I think it was, on a site that I'd left some weeks earlier, and asked where I was with my scissors... well, I couldn't reply, as I'd had a major fall out with the management there and flounced off in a huff. I'm sorry you missed my huff. It was quite a good one.

I suspect the only site where both you and I are members, and both posting, is this one; so if you want any critique, please post your wondrous words here.

Cheers,

Delph

User avatar
Salvador Oria
poet & writer
Posts: 63
Joined: Tue Feb 28, 2006 6:51 pm
Location: buenos aires, argentina
Contact:

Billows, snakes and poshy topics...

Postby Salvador Oria » Tue Aug 22, 2006 5:40 pm

Dear Delph,
First of all I ought to apologise for having taken the best part of a month before coming back here to check what was your reaction after learning that the mysterious word was "billows".
We might have been together at Theatre Royal in 1970 since I certainly used a lot of my evening times in theatres (including peep shows if you can call that a kind of acting career), at Drury Lane, Covent Garden &c; the British Museum (ten to twelve times at 4 to 5 hours each), the races (horses, at times greyhounds, what else?) and visiting ancient monuments and protected (Brit. Heritage &c) houses scattered all over Britannia.
I may however have a difference with you over what to be posh is (not the acronym of course) and that is that to me you're either born one or there's nothing that may take you there whatever the effort put into it even getting the appropriate cabins when coming back from Burma. There are things that money can't buy and one Mrs. (definitely not "Ms") Nancy Mitford took the trouble to give a sound explanation about it in her much criticised 1956 booklet "Noblesse Oblige". But I may concede you to be better positioned within the English society than myself, although certain foreigners as me can also have good chances to be considered "one of us" if the proper words are used in the proper sense and the proper construction in ordinary conversation where manners prevail. Accent and certain pronunciation are also considered. The fact that my verbs and overall English construction was, and still is, murderous to your beautiful language, was never enough to keep me off the Junior Carlton and other gentlemen's exclusive clubs, perhaps because other characteristics - invisible to me - might have been taken into account. No, I am NOT a queer...

With regard to my poem about a snake that I found when I was child, posted somewhere else, I'll be honoured if you'd kindly look at it and tell me your ideas which, as you know, I rate as the best possible critique to find in all the web around. I'll open a new thread in the Poetry Section as soon as I find a good version and you'll soon be able to dumb at will your scissors' sharp edges on it. Thank you!
"...my dreams were all my own; i accounted for them to nobody; they

were my refuge when annoyed - my dearest pleasure when free."

mary shelley in her author's introduction to "frankestein", 1831.

User avatar
Catherine Edmunds
artist, poet & writer
Posts: 428
Joined: Fri May 05, 2006 8:05 pm
Location: north east england
Contact:

Postby Catherine Edmunds » Thu Aug 24, 2006 1:57 pm

Argie, I'm obviously a low-life scumbag because, horror of horrors, I use serviettes rather than napkins. Miss Mitford would be aghast. However, be that as it may, I am, regrettably, rather posh. I know how to 'do' cutlery. I say the right things in polite society. I speak perfect received English (when I'm in the mood) thanks to an education at a lesser public school. I have an O level in Latin. I speak French (badly) and am accomplished at playing ladylike musical instruments, sketching country scenes, doing embroidery, and making gruel to take round to the peasants. I'm also a loony leftie ultra-feminist, which spoils the effect somewhat.

No, I reckon the thing is to be socially mobile, and I manage that well enough.

Loved the snake poem, by the way. Thanks for posting it.


Return to “New Media Poetry on Sensitize ©”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests