By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2006. All Rights Reserved
the raven is black.
thin wolves hunt throughout winter.
flesh falls. old bones crack.
the raven will feast.
comical, deadly silence.
a majestic beast.
Moderator: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
delph_ambi wrote:Can't remember if I ever posted a reply to this one elsewhere, but if I didn't, shame on me. This is a beautiful evocation of the picture, and a superb poem in its own right.
delph_ambi wrote:One suggestion; I'm not sure 'soon' is a strong enough word for that standalone line. For some reason, I think 'later' would work better. I'm not really sure why.
delph_ambi wrote:No, I don't like 'then' at all. Far too abrupt. I preferred soon.
It strikes me that 'perched' is virtually two syllables anyway, so it wouldn't be stretching a point too far to use 'later'.
You need to be careful never to let a self-imposed form weaken a good poem.
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