Two Gossips In A Café. By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2005

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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Two Gossips In A Café. By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2005

Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Mon Aug 21, 2006 10:14 pm

two gossips in a café.
By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2005
    "look at him. posing git!
    white cotton shirts and he always sits at that table.
    i knew him way back when he was no-one but yet even then
    he ate lobster".


    "he drank wine. fierce amounts!
    water these days and by all accounts, only salads".


    "outrageous"!

    "a rock star now! wont even see us
    and that viscious cow he's hooked up with"!


    "she's a scream! thin as a rake!
    i reckon she's out for all she can take"!


    "more coffee kate"?

    "yeah. why not? I've a half day.
    order more gateaux. it's my turn to pay.

    nice here innit"?


    "sure is hun.

    check out his butt. a weekend wae him
    i'd soon lose my gut"!

    "shssssh! here they come"


    "hi michael. hi mary-jean.
    your hair was gorgeous in 'she' magazine".


    "very pretty...

    new band mike?

    your life's all go. thought you were brilliant
    on jools holland's show".


    "ooooh! he's lovely"...

    "who? oh jools! really nice bloke.
    i met him in harrods but he never spoke"!


    "bye michael"!

    "stuck up brats"!

    "youth of today!
    i think she's a front and he's really gay"!


    "i thought that too"..!

    "happy though"?

    "Yeah, I suppose".
    right. you get the waiter. i'll powder my nose"...


    "same time next week"?
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.

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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Posts: 2184
Joined: Fri Feb 24, 2006 7:32 am
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Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Tue Aug 22, 2006 12:42 am

Really need some help with this one Delph mate. When I wrote it I was inspired by all the potential I had with my DVD camera. I had this picture in my mind of the two characters sitting in a little café somewhere like Soho. Both are unhappy with their lives and meet up once a week to dissect society, people, places - everything lol.

I think I should also explain the differing colouration of text here too. It's a temporary thing to signify each character's switch or camera cut-to. I would really appreciate if you could give me some guidance on presentation as text here for the benefit of readers.

Eventually, I would like to see this set to film and aiming to tease out the comedy elements of it all. Both characters are meant to be completely over-the-top. I would mix in the clink of cups and saucers and maybe background café sounds like annoying but low-level Euro-Pop from a distant radio.

There's no rush with any of this though. I know you're really busy with your own work mate.

Cheers :) ...
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.

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Catherine Edmunds
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Posts: 428
Joined: Fri May 05, 2006 8:05 pm
Location: north east england
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Postby Catherine Edmunds » Wed Aug 23, 2006 11:00 am

Nice one, Lugh. Some great ideas here.

Okay. Formatting first. Using colour works fine, unless some of your readers are colour blind. A large proportion of males have a degree of colourblindness, so that's why I wouldn't use it.

Generally speaking, the simpler the formatting, the better. Then the words shine through. That's why I would never embolden the text, either.

So, the answer? This is how I would do it. I'm just going to concentrate on the formatting and not address anything else at all for the time being; I'll return to talk about the text later.


two gossips in a café
By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2005


look at him. posing git!
white cotton shirts and he always sits at that table.
i knew him way back when he was no-one but yet even then
he ate lobster.

he drank wine. fierce amounts!
water these days and by all accounts, only salads.


outrageous!

a rock star now! wont even see us
and that viscious cow he's hooked up with!


she's a scream! thin as a rake!
i reckon she's out for all she can take!

more coffee kate?

yeah. why not? I've a half day.
order more gateaux. it's my turn to pay.
nice here innit?

sure is hun.
check out his butt. a weekend wae him
i'd soon lose my gut!
shssssh! here they come


hi michael. hi mary-jean.
your hair was gorgeous in 'she' magazine.

very pretty...
new band mike?
your life's all go. thought you were brilliant
on jools holland's show.


ooooh! he's lovely...

who? oh jools! really nice bloke.
i met him in harrods but he never spoke!


bye michael!

stuck up brats!

youth of today!
i think she's a front and he's really gay!

i thought that too..!

happy though?

Yeah, I suppose.
right. you get the waiter. i'll powder my nose...


same time next week?

User avatar
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
site owner, media producer & writer
Posts: 2184
Joined: Fri Feb 24, 2006 7:32 am
Location: Derry, Ireland
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Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Wed Aug 23, 2006 11:58 pm

Thanks Delph :)

I went a AWOL there for a day and a half. Just needed a break. Back now though 8) ...

I really like the suggestions you have made for Two Gossips In A Café and appreciate the time you have taken to edit and review. I hadn't thought of italics / standard text, and what you have shown me here is brilliant in more ways than I can begin to explain. It makes perfect sense :D ...

I'm really looking forward to any other feedback or guidance you can give me on this piece because I honestly believe in its potential to become an entertaining video-poem if scripted properly.

Cheers :)
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.

User avatar
Catherine Edmunds
artist, poet & writer
Posts: 428
Joined: Fri May 05, 2006 8:05 pm
Location: north east england
Contact:

Postby Catherine Edmunds » Thu Aug 24, 2006 2:07 pm

Regarding the line, "sure is hun"; this was in the "Gadfly" column by Mike Amos in yesterday's Northern Echo...

David Walsh in Redcar recalls that in East Cleveland -- as doubtless elswhere -- the affectionate term "honey" (or "hinny") is often abbreviated to "hun".
All very well until a Council for the Preservation of Rural England delegation visited the area in his days as a local councillor.
Afterwards they adjourned to the pub, the CPRE leader -- a German lady with good English but a marked accent -- insisted on getting the beers in. "That'll be £6.20, hun," said the barmaid.
"I tried very hard to explain it to her," says David. "I doubt if she believes me yet."

:lol:


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