SENSITIZE ©

upper weardale show, august 26, 2006


speckled jim flies a lap of honour
then swoops with arrogance
into a ford transit van
having beaten the greyhound in a fair contest

little girls tappity tap in their clogs
while thelwell ponies
bearing hacking jacketed moppets
parade past, led by serious women

whippet 'gainst shi tzu;
swifty is fleetest of foot, no question
but fluffy takes short cut and wins
(we know it's a fix, but who cares)

remember cnut? (that's ker noot)
he of holding back waves fame?
lesser known is his love of greyhounds
want one? hard luck
capital offense, unless you're royalty
so poachers slyly interbred
creating lurchers, hairy beasts
just as quick, but disguised

that sounds like the poachers interbred
i meant the dogs
(i love this show)

stanhope silver band plays on
while a barn owl demonstrates silence
farmers with fat fingers ignore earnest types
re-building a dry stone wall
tups with enormous bollocks look bored
and a bloodhound cocks his leg
to pee on his master's white trousers

The comedy in this poem is brilliant Delph

I could hear a regional news reporter reading it to camera with cut-to's of the events.

Well played mate ...

I got as far as "Speckled Jim" before I shot tea out of my nose. It was that scene in Blackadder IV which spawned it and it became the nickname for "Speckled Hen" beer amongst my close friends.

Many a crazy night was had under the influence of "Jim", including the punt related incident in Cambridge (for which the police never identified us).

Ahhh. Happy days.

You're a very rude lady by the way. Which is cool.