Fishwife's Tale

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Mike Daniels
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Fishwife's Tale

Postby Mike Daniels » Tue Oct 03, 2006 9:31 am

Fishwife's Tale

In the curling down time of sunbright waves
gossiping wives spread ruin,
thinking it merely for fun.

She has the vanity of old women.
She wears her mien, sly and bold,
and says more than she is told,

as if her tongue has discovered the truth.
She plights her troth; is the dove
finding land, the hawk his love,

and all the while her poisonous lies grow
making lives raw as she flies
her balls at coconut shies

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Salvador Oria
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Postby Salvador Oria » Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:30 pm

Hi Mike,


That's what I would call a thorough knowledge of witches, er, bitches, er, better I don't say. Ooops... I'm saying more than I should tell...

:P
"...my dreams were all my own; i accounted for them to nobody; they
were my refuge when annoyed - my dearest pleasure when free."
mary shelley in her author's introduction to "frankestein", 1831.

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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Tue Oct 03, 2006 6:20 pm

I think it captures way more than an image of Suzi. For me, this is an observation on the greeds of vanity and wealth rotting in an unaired and uncared for hothouse.

Superb Mike. Thanks for sharing mate 8) ...
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Mike Daniels
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Postby Mike Daniels » Tue Oct 03, 2006 7:04 pm

Thanks guys

Its my first attempt at an old Welsh form of poetry - Englyn Penfyr

each stanza has three lines of 10,7 and 7 syllables.

The rhyme occurs in syllable 7,8 or 9 of line 1, and end of lines two and three. In addition, the fourth syllable of the second line should mirror the last syllable of line one in some way - rhyme or consonance.

thus
xxxxxx(aaa)b
xxxbxxa
xxxxxxa

Good discipline for when I'm getting a bit too wordy.

Mike

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Catherine Edmunds
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Postby Catherine Edmunds » Wed Oct 04, 2006 12:50 pm

This is an intriguing form. I've never come across it before. Your poem ably demonstrates its musicality.

The poem itself is beautifully crafted and highly effective. My only criticism is in the second stanza, where I think the two lines starting 'She' are intrusive. You could fix it by dropping the full stop at the end of the first line, start the second 'wearing', and the third 'saying' (unless you have a strong objection to 'ing' words).


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