SENSITIZE ©

Notes From The Margin

You scribble notes in the margins -
a shopping list, a menu,
monthly accounts.

He writes poetry.

You advise and suggest
as you draw on your boots,
as you settle your hat.

He initiates.

You repair the habits of your life
with sellotape and string, clothes pegs,
paper clips, fridge magnets.

He destroys and throws away.

You console - an arm,
a shoulder, a smile,
and comforting words, soft spoken.

He laughs.


The windows are smeared with reflections
that capture the light,
set free the shadows.
He picks at his guitar -
some ancient tune he barely remembers.

The carpet is in turmoil, rebellion
predicted by the toys
of everyman's youth.
You parcel up the words
and sing along, highlighting his errors.

Unsexed, the bed remains unmade,
the sheets a rope
that binds, a noose,
a hint of violence
unwanted, unstated, unobserved.

Hi Mike

First impressions of this piece the other day were that I like the ambience of it. It also reads well aloud.

Having read it several times now I also want to address the multi-layering of it. This is wonderful. There is a view cast like a narrative over a scene, set.

Filmlike ...

Ah, Mike, I am truly a big fan of your work. Sometimes, like this one, it is just amazing.

PD

P.S. You know I am sorry to say I was so crushed by that "holymoly" comment and so called critique thread in that other place I was beginning to think I would never write another poem, but I have and I am posting here - not here but in here - but I have lost something that was good. I am sad that one person could have that effect on me when there have been so many other positive comments, but now I am fearful of getting more like that. I'm confessing to you, but I am well aware others will read this, too, but I just needed to say it.

Marty

Hi Marty and thanks for your comment and your confidence.

There are enough people at this site who have had similar experiences of damage inflicted on the internet, sometimes by a careless comment, sometimes by something more malicious, and I think that though others might read it, you'll likely to find that it gets heads nodding in understanding rather than anything else.

Sometimes, also, it's difficult to let go sites to which we've given a great deal, or found encouraging and supportive at one time, but sometimes it's the only thing to do.

Personally, I think the Dome has become too large and impersonal - yet at the same time, less productive. The quality is thinner, and the feedback less constructive than it once was, and it takes a great deal of energy to overcome the inertia of such a large organism.

Mike

Hi Lugh - I'm not completely ignoring you. I know you'll understand, and I thank you for your comment which is as insightful as usual.
M

danimik wrote: Hi Lugh - I'm not completely ignoring you. I know you'll understand, and I thank you for your comment which is as insightful as usual.
M

No problem at all Mike mate. I fully understand ...

Marty - Keep your chin up pal ... A lot of people on here are refugees and veterans from that public convenience (toilet) formally known as The Pleasure Dome ...