Tin Can Man by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2005 / 2007

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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Tin Can Man. By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2005 / 2007

Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Thu Feb 22, 2007 3:01 am

tin can man
By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2005 / 2007. All Rights Reserved.
Editor - Catherine Edmunds.
    four fifty-nine am
    and the tin can man
    is making a racket
    in the carpark below

    he stamps on the empties
    crushing them under his boot.
    ranting to gulls about god.
    silly old sod. like they'd know!

    maybe he's right.
    maybe he has answers
    to deep rooted questions
    all of us should ask...
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.

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Mike Daniels
poet & writer
Posts: 113
Joined: Wed Sep 20, 2006 10:15 am
Location: The English Queen's Arse, Tongue First 'n' Lovin' It ...
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Postby Mike Daniels » Sat Feb 24, 2007 11:29 am

Late to the party as usual - its all about making an entrance, you know.


I'd suggest removal of the gerunds...its an old saw, I know, and not always appropriate, but they do have a habit of slowing things down and removing tension from a piece.

four fifty-nine am
and the tin can man
makes a racket
in the carpark below

he stamps on the empties,
crushes them under his boot,
rants to gulls about god.
silly old sod. like they'd know!

maybe he's right.
maybe he has answers
to deep rooted questions
all of us should ask...



Can't think of anything else at present

Mike

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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
site owner, media producer & writer
Posts: 2184
Joined: Fri Feb 24, 2006 7:32 am
Location: Derry, Ireland
Contact:

Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Sat Feb 24, 2007 1:50 pm

danimik wrote:Late to the party as usual - its all about making an entrance, you know.


I'd suggest removal of the gerunds...its an old saw, I know, and not always appropriate, but they do have a habit of slowing things down and removing tension from a piece.

four fifty-nine am
and the tin can man
makes a racket
in the carpark below

he stamps on the empties,
crushes them under his boot,
rants to gulls about god.
silly old sod. like they'd know!

maybe he's right.
maybe he has answers
to deep rooted questions
all of us should ask...



Can't think of anything else at present

Mike

Hi Mike :) ...

Welcome back mate and thanks for your feedback on Tin Can Man too. Yes, the changes you have recommended for it, make it more effective and fluidic. I will incorporate them into the next edit and add you to the credits along with Delph as an Editor.

You do realise that that absolute cad; Spacecadet Dave is up to all sorts of bedivilment on here? I'm at my wit's end with both him and Marmite. Not sleeping at night and waking whenever I do, I'm screaming:-

"It's all Dave's fault!"

And:

"Feckin' Marmite..!"

This was highly embarrassing on the bus into town the other day. When I mentioned 'Marmititus' everyone else shrieked and ducked under their seats. One even dived through a window. Strange carry-on :? ...

He (Dave) also edited my photograph and implied I like the horrid substance.

So.., what am I saying with all of this?

Oh yes, that's it.

I'll give you a tenner if you write a poem about Marmititus, that satisfies Dave's fiendish appetite and abhorent pleasure for the terrible stuff and quells this latest outbreak. I'm firmly convinced that like Golum in the Lord Of The Rings stories, Dave is actually a decent sort that's been turned into an advert executive for this dark and dreadful vegetarian goo. I believe that, if subjected to enough poetry he will crack and become sane...

Oh yeah. Guinness have merged with Marmite to make a crossover hybrid. Dreadful affair. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is safe anymore...

For further details on just how delirious Dave has become, and how mad Guinness are becoming, go to the Dear Dave thread and see for yourself.

They're all mad I tellz ya.

M A D :shock: ..!
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.

User avatar
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
site owner, media producer & writer
Posts: 2184
Joined: Fri Feb 24, 2006 7:32 am
Location: Derry, Ireland
Contact:

Tin Can Man. By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2005 / 2007

Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Sat Feb 24, 2007 3:41 pm

tin can man
By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2005 / 2007. All Rights Reserved.
Editors - Catherine Edmunds & Mike Daniels.

    four fifty-nine am
    and the tin can man
    makes a racket
    in the carpark below

    he stamps on the empties,
    crushes them under his boot,
    rants to gulls about god.
    silly old sod. like they'd know!

    maybe he's right.
    maybe he has answers
    to deep rooted questions
    all of us should ask...
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.


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