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Amanda Gillespie
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Postby Amanda Gillespie » Mon Jun 02, 2008 2:31 am

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Last edited by Amanda Gillespie on Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Re: Indecisive

Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Tue Jun 03, 2008 2:33 pm

Amandhi wrote:Indecisive
By Amanda Koser


Where is it
you are looking?
Where
Are you going?
And
Why won’t you
Take me
With you?


I see
That vacant look
And
I know
You’re far away.

I see
Your head
Turning and
I know
Somewhere inside
You’re leaving.

I know
Why
You’re leaving.
I know
Why
You can’t stay.

I wish
I was in
The path
Of your gaze.
Knowing
That I was
Your destination.

I can’t
Go
And I can’t
Watch you
Just go.

So I’ll
Stay
Here and
Wait.
And maybe
You'll
Come back.


©Amanda Koser
3-24-04


Hi Amanda :) ...

I completely missed these few poems by you the other day. Apologies for that my friend. Sensitize was overloaded with spam-joiners and by the time I'd deleted them, I was so pissed off I stormed out of here...

Feedback:

Superb. I like the distance you have captured between the characters in this poem Amanda. I also really like the narrative style you have employed in this poem. Your use of bold or italic text adding definitive points indeed rythyms into the piece. These highlight the fine drama you have worked to reveal. In fact, I would go as far as saying your technique here draws perfectly upon the title of the poem; indecisive.

This piece could be about the partner or child of an alcoholic or drug addict, watching the person they love drift off or become distant 'again.' It could be about the experience of someone living with a mentally ill or senile person. The knowledge that 'this' situation disempowers, frustrates and governs everything else. Affects all other routine decisions to the point where it's better to stop making decisions and give up or become helpless. This piece could also be about death, grief and the inability to cope with it all at times.

That may seem like a criticism or negative thing to say about your poem but I can assure you it is not. What you have achieved in this piece is to reveal the journeys people make between one another and the pathes that can cross on occasion. Something must change or become resolved before any movement forward can be achieved. Healing, I suppose...

I've played about with narrative poetry myself a bit. I find it frequently cathartic, occasionally fun but always highly liberating and enlightening.

Thank you for sharing 'indecisive' with Sensitize Amanda :) ...
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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