Heading Inland. By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2007.

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Catherine Edmunds
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Postby Catherine Edmunds » Mon Aug 06, 2007 11:22 am

Thanks for the entertaining reply, Lugh!

I read somewhere that Columba heard angels singing in the oakland ('doire') - hence the name of the city. Thought it was a nice idea, so that's why it's included. However, he buggered off to Scotland after that, which is why I've got the angels showing no further interest in the saint, but being more interested in their river.

Here's a slightly revised version. Only difference is a couple of added lines to suggest more strongly that the escape at the start of the poem turns into a homecoming by the end.


UP RIVER

heading inland, up river
beyond the flood
leaving...

leaving
smoke blackened calumny
rank ogres tower blocks
round the clock fights
all night killing lost time
spending life spent and left
in the mire of this city

heading inland
up river to mist hills blue forests
where once the saint spoke with angels
fleet angels flow river fast flow past the angels
leaving the saint far behind

leave An Feabhail and head for mountains
where blue greens the silvery source
seek the stream that takes you beneath
watch as waves catch you
turn you into a slippery thing
that slides between water white water
slip through churning foam slipslipslip
sink deep sink down become fish become eel stream thing
swim laugh breathe swimswimswim...

heading inland, up river
into the flood

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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Mon Aug 06, 2007 12:21 pm

Hi Delph :)

You're probably gonna email me a slap in the teeth for this, but I meant to say in yesterday's feedback that the second stanza - third line;

"rank ogres tower blocks"

may throw some people. There are several apartment blocks in Derry. I'm scheduled to move out of one and into a bungalow soon but, they aren't really tower blocks. This one for instance is only seven storeys high. Perhaps;

'apartment blocks, ogres'

would be more fitting. It's just a suggestion and in no way meant as a criticism.

I found this pretty cool: By adding lines and rounding off your piece to capture the departure and homecoming you have achieved something really rather wonderful, in that; Derry is a city populated by people who have travelled out, only to return years later. Our sense of humour. Our moodiness. Lol, our diet and musical tastes beckon many of us home all throughout our journeys. We're homebirds at heart. You have caught this superbly and I'd say it's safe to assume many Derry folk would warm to this quality of the poem immediately.

There is a school here called Oakgrove. Actually, I think it's an area of Derry. The city was once honoured or acknowledged as Oakgrove and a proposition to have the name changed to Oakgrove went through local council. Derry is also known as the Maiden City. These were names that were discussed during our troubled times when there was a lot of sectarian strife over whether it be called Derry or Londonderry. Gerry Anderson, local and national radio and TV personality (bloody good geezer 'n' all) once called it Stroke City live on BBC Radio Foyle, in a bid to end hostilities. That too has stuck.

So there ya go. Derry, Doire, Doire Colmcille, Londonderry, Maiden City, Oakgrove or Stroke City. Is it any wonder I'm completely bonkers..? No-one here can make their flippin' mind up :P ..!
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

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Catherine Edmunds
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Postby Catherine Edmunds » Mon Aug 06, 2007 4:18 pm

You're quite right about the buildings, of course. Call it poetic license. Thanks for the suggestion, but the line has to stay as it is for the rhythm. I was thinking of those buildings with the giant murals on the sides. They're not exactly skyscrapers, true, so maybe you can persuade the city planners to build some taller buildings for the sake of the poem... :wink:

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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Mon Aug 06, 2007 4:40 pm

Hahahhahaha - I'd be up for trying :P ...

Cool Delph. Poetic license it is mo chara (my friend) ...

(Giggle fit) ...
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.

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Aine MacAodha
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Re: Heading Inland. By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2007.

Postby Aine MacAodha » Wed Jan 28, 2009 11:18 pm

Very mystical, I love it :)
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