OSBORNE'S CASH & CARRY by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2016.
OSBORNE'S CASH & CARRY
by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2016. All rights reserved.
The owner of a local corner shop goes to their nearest Cash & Carry to purchase fresh produce they can then sell on to the public for a retail profit.
The cashier working at the Cash & Carry used to be in receipt of Disability Living Allowance (DLA) due to a serious visual impairment in their right eye. They were until recently registered as partially sighted but the British Conservative Party (Tories) removed this benefit so the cashier is now on a placement from Workfare. The only income they get is Employment and Support Allowance (ESA; formerly known as Unemployment Benefit). If they're lucky they may get a small payment from their ‘employer’ that might be enough to buy a lunchtime meal in the staff canteen. Most 'employers' are wise to this however and keep it for themselves.
When the cashier tallies up the bill and presents it. The local shop owner (customer) gets angry and claims there has been an overcharge. They begin shouting and demand to speak with the Cash & Carry manager (the cashier’s employer). The manager duly arrives and after the cashier has nervously explained why the local shop owner is angry they look at the till read out and then consider matters before deciding the customer is correct and has every right to be upset.
Here's where it all gets complicated:
Rather than talking with the angry customer and perhaps haggling with them or offering an in-store discount off their next purchase. They instead ask the poor half blind cashier to empty out their pockets onto the Cash & Carry counter. The cashier reluctantly does what is asked of them and puts their keys, some chewing gum and roughly £20.00 (give or take a few small coins) on the counter. The manager (employer) then scoops all the money up and hands it over to the irate customer, apologising for the overcharge as they sigh loudly and grumble;
'Can't get decent staff these days. Bloody spaz!* Wasn't like this when I was a lad. We had consideration for our customers! It was all about loyalty back then!'
The customer is still not satisfied and begins ranting about how their family and they have done business with this Cash & Carry for years and how they no longer feel they can. The manager shrugs then opens the side door of the building that has a public footpath running along its length. He grabs a random old age pensioner passing by on a zimmerframe into the building and demands that they too empty their pockets on to the counter. This old man opens his mouth in indignation as much as shock and barely gets the words;
out before the Cash & Carry manager thumps him so hard on the back of his head that his dentures fly out across the counter and hit the half blind and poor cashier in their good eye. The manager is about to apologise but the ‘customer’ finally laughs loudly and exits the Cash & Carry contented with their purchase.
There is no happy ending. This is how things are these days and they are getting worse ...
* An abbreviated derogatory term for spastics which was also a derogatory and insulting term used until recently to describe a person living with disabilities ...
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