the violin teacher's complaint

[Catherine Edmunds]

(this poem makes me wince, as I had to teach the pupil in question this afternoon, and it was as if she'd used the poem as a script and was following it in every detail... however, Lugh's asked me to post it, so here it is I don't think she's a member here. Anyway, she'd better not be, or I'm in trouble... )


the violin teacher's complaint

knock on the door properly
don't do that rat tat tat
(gap)
rat tat tat
it annoys me
so don't do it

when I open the door
don't retreat half way across the road
unless you really want to be run over

come inside and go through to the music room
don't wait to be asked
not after two years' lessons

I've stopped saying, in you go,
so now your mother prods you in the small of the back
prod prod prod
tells you to get a move on

I wondered at first
why you brought mum
after all
you must be, what, fifty? fifty-five?

stop sliding your fingers about on the string
you sound like a tape with too much wow and flutter
put your finger down
leave it
doesn't matter if it's wrong
fix it next time round
but if you keep sliding it
even when the note's right
it'll always be wrong

you're due in half an hour's time
but you'll be early
by at least ten minutes
probably knock on the door when I'm in the loo
rat tat tat
(gap)
rat tat tat

and I'll charge downstairs
pulling my jeans up as I go
trip, fall, break my neck
then nobody'll let you in

that'll teach you

[the_leander]

okay.... <desperately starts searching for the tranq gun>

[Louis P. Burns aka Lugh]

(this poem makes me wince, as I had to teach the pupil in question this afternoon, and it was as if she'd used the poem as a script and was following it in every detail... however, Lugh's asked me to post it, so here it is I don't think she's a member here. Anyway, she'd better not be, or I'm in trouble... )

If there's any trouble and she upsets our Moderator, then she'll be bunged on French Horn lessons on her own

I think this is an exceptional work and like I said to Delph in an email the other day: It has loads of comedy, drama, suspense and best of all - the use of words to conjour sound which is frequently very effective in poetry. I'm sure Delph knows the proper terminology for this...

Highly effective piece Delph and I still maintain if it were funded, it could be adapted to screen very easily mate

[Catherine Edmunds]

Thanks guys.
Lugh, I can think of nothing more nightmarish than a video presentation of this poem. Please don't do it. Please.

I've written a few more about other pupils... might have to dig them out. Not at the moment though. The next horror is due in five minutes. She's immensely fat. About my age. Wears tops that expose her midriff. Can't play the violin to save her life. Intends to keep having lessons until she can play Vivaldi's Four Seasons...

[Louis P. Burns aka Lugh]

LOL - She sounds like a female version of me Delph (the belly anyway)...

No worries on video projects. That was just a suggestion and I hope a compliment to you as the writer because it flows so freely and conveys so much, just like in film mate

G'luck with the lesson. It sounds like a mild form of hell lol...