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The Raven. By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2006.
Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2006 9:13 pm
by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
the raven.
By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2006. All Rights Reserved- perched
the raven is black.
thin wolves hunt throughout winter.
flesh falls. old bones crack.
soon
the raven will feast.
comical, deadly silence.
a majestic beast.
To hopefully run in tandem with delph_ambi's painting;
The Raven. Will post a request on the general messages board now.
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 1:44 pm
by Catherine Edmunds
Can't remember if I ever posted a reply to this one elsewhere, but if I didn't, shame on me. This is a beautiful evocation of the picture, and a superb poem in its own right.
One suggestion; I'm not sure 'soon' is a strong enough word for that standalone line. For some reason, I think 'later' would work better. I'm not really sure why.
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 2:32 pm
by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
delph_ambi wrote:Can't remember if I ever posted a reply to this one elsewhere, but if I didn't, shame on me. This is a beautiful evocation of the picture, and a superb poem in its own right.
Coming from you, that is excellent to hear indeed Delph. Thank you very much
...
delph_ambi wrote:One suggestion; I'm not sure 'soon' is a strong enough word for that standalone line. For some reason, I think 'later' would work better. I'm not really sure why.
I'll be honest. I remember struggling with this myself while writing, but I was sticking to a rythym which was in the form of two haiku verses seperated by one syllable words to give it a rounder, more solidly poetic feel. What if I changed 'soon' to 'then'? Would that work?
the raven.
By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2006. All Rights Reserved- perched
the raven is black.
thin wolves hunt throughout winter.
flesh falls. old bones crack.
then
the raven will feast.
comical, deadly silence.
a majestic beast.
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 3:41 pm
by Catherine Edmunds
No, I don't like 'then' at all. Far too abrupt. I preferred soon.
It strikes me that 'perched' is virtually two syllables anyway, so it wouldn't be stretching a point too far to use 'later'.
You need to be careful never to let a self-imposed form weaken a good poem.
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 4:12 pm
by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
delph_ambi wrote:No, I don't like 'then' at all. Far too abrupt. I preferred soon.
It strikes me that 'perched' is virtually two syllables anyway, so it wouldn't be stretching a point too far to use 'later'.
You need to be careful never to let a self-imposed form weaken a good poem.
the raven.
By Louis P. Burns aka Lugh © 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Edited by Catherine Edmunds and Mike Daniels.- perched
the raven is black.
thin wolves hunt throughout winter.
flesh falls. old bones crack.
later
the raven will feast.
comical, deadly silence.
a majestic beast.
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 4:13 pm
by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Aye
that works for me too Delph...
Nice one
...
Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 2:10 am
by Mike Daniels
neat work
I like
Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 1:33 pm
by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Cheers Mike
Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 2:01 pm
by Mike Daniels
I've just picked up a cd anthology of Andy Roberts work - the first song of which is called 'the raven.' (Lyrics here - amongst others -
http://www.andyrobertsmusic.com/lyrics.html )
He was a founder member of Liverpool Scene - the music/poetry/perfoming arts group that included Adrian Henri, a founder member of Grimms with roger McGough, John Gorman and others, a founder member of Plainsong with Ian Matthews, and a singer songwriter of some quality (imo, though I know he's not to everyones taste). Whilst touring and recording, he managed to obtain a law degree. (I do mean whilst as a simultaneous occurance running in parallel rather than a first-this-and-then-that-and-then-this-again type thing.)
Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 2:20 pm
by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
danimik wrote:I've just picked up a cd anthology of Andy Roberts work - the first song of which is called 'the raven.' (Lyrics here - amongst others -
http://www.andyrobertsmusic.com/lyrics.html )
He was a founder member of Liverpool Scene - the music/poetry/perfoming arts group that included Adrian Henri, a founder member of Grimms with roger McGough, John Gorman and others, a founder member of Plainsong with Ian Matthews, and a singer songwriter of some quality (imo, though I know he's not to everyones taste). Whilst touring and recording, he managed to obtain a law degree. (I do mean whilst as a simultaneous occurance running in parallel rather than a first-this-and-then-that-and-then-this-again type thing.)
Hi Mike
... Cool link. I've just read Andy Roberts' lyrics to 'The Raven' and they're pretty interesting. Although, the raven 'picked' something (first verse) and I'm not quite sure what lol. The references to neighbour growing gardens that they smoked was neat too
...
As for him working to get his law degree at the same time as touring and recording, that shows true dedication and is a mark of the man. Great stuff mate. Thanks for sharing this...