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waiting
Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 3:23 pm
by Catherine Edmunds
waiting
the train now arriving on platform one
will never leave
there's a parcel
behind the red painted bench
wedged in the place where the bin should be
if you put your ear close enough
you can fool yourself
into hearing a gentle
tick tick tick
but that's just your watch
counting down
slowly
a cctv camera watches brainlessly
as announcements echo around the station
and blurred people speed by to perdition
Re: waiting
Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 4:24 pm
by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
delph_ambi wrote:waiting
the train now arriving on platform one
will never leave
there's a parcel
behind the red painted bench
wedged in the place where the bin should be
if you put your ear close enough
you can fool yourself
into hearing a gentle
tick tick tick
but that's just your watch
counting down
slowly
a cctv camera watches brainlessly
as announcements echo around the station
and blurred people speed by to perdition
Hi Delph. Yesterday, I gave a bit of feedback to this piece by you over on
Bukowski's goatee -
(see that feedback here) and I am really grateful to you for posting it into Sensitize. In my feedback I said:
Lugh aka BOLD wrote:There is an almost angelic feel to this piece H. Not in an uplifting or spiritual way but simply, an other-worldliness. The narrative voice coaxing someone to dare to see things that might be percieved as dangerous to mere mortals... A presence or awareness of the fleeting existence humanity is. That last line resounds;-
"and blurred people speed by to perdition"...
Nicely delivered ...
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh / Bold
Lugh aka BOLD wrote:Best wishes for the publication H.
If, at a later date and with your permission, it is possible. I would love to attempt a screenplay adaptation of Waiting. If you haven't already posted it to Sensitize, I would be really grateful for the opportunity H but I fully respect that your publishers might have issue with that.
If it is possible and if you're up for it, we can do a Q&A session on Sensitize to familiarise the pace you want it read at, and then I can construct montage suitable to delivering this piece effectively.
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh / Bold
I assume you have given me the go-ahead to proceed with adaptation of the poem to screenplay format. I hope so.
Catherine Edmunds aka Htaeh1 / delph_ambi wrote:I've posted it to Sensitize now. Doesn't look like the anthology wants it, but even if they decide they do after all, they're the sort of publishers who are quite happy to accept stuff published elsewhere, so long as it's okay with the other publishers.
Something vaguely like your High Velocity video would work well for this one, I think.
It's a brilliant piece of poetry and lends itself perfectly as an example of how the whole mechanics of this artform can be added to.
I will now start adapting it over on the
Screenwriting on Sensitize section.
Thank you for this Delph
...