Waiting. By Catherine Edmunds ©. Adapted by Louis P. Burns ©

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Waiting. By Catherine Edmunds ©. Adapted by Louis P. Burns ©

Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Thu Sep 14, 2006 4:23 pm

delph_ambi wrote:waiting

the train now arriving on platform one
will never leave

there's a parcel
behind the red painted bench
wedged in the place where the bin should be

if you put your ear close enough
you can fool yourself
into hearing a gentle
tick tick tick

but that's just your watch
counting down
slowly

a cctv camera watches brainlessly
as announcements echo around the station
and blurred people speed by to perdition


Waiting
Poem by Catherine Edmunds aka delph_ambi / Htaeh1 ©.
Screenplay Adaptation by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh ©.
All rights of the artists involved are strictly reserved.


______________________________________________________


FADE IN.


INT: BUSY RAILWAY STATION. MID AFTERNOON.


WE HEAR AN INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR METALLIC VOICE ANNOUNCE ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE TIMES. WE HEAR PEOPLE WALKING AND TALKING (ALL INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR).


P.O.V: OVERLOOKING RAILWAY STATION AND PLATFORMS. TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


THERE ARE SEVERAL TRAINS AT DIFFERENT PLATFORMS. PEOPLE COMING FROM OR GOING TO THEM. WE HEAR THE NOISE OF A TRAIN HORN AND THE CLACKITY-CLACK OF ANOTHER TRAIN SLOWING TO A STOP. WE HEAR ITS BRAKES SQUEAL.


CUT TO:


P.O.V: ON RAILWAY PLATFORM. LOOKING DOWN LENGTH OF A TRAIN. PEOPLE COMING AND GOING FROM TRAIN - TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


WE HEAR AN INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR METALLIC VOICE CONTINUE TO ANNOUNCE ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE TIMES. WE HEAR PEOPLE WALKING AND TALKING (ALL INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR).


WE HEAR A DEEPLY INHALED BREATH.



    NARRATOR'S VOICE:
    the train now arriving on platform one will never leave (Pause)
CUT TO:


P.O.V: FRONTAL.


BRIGHTLY LIT SHOP KIOSK. PEOPLE WALKING PAST TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


CUT TO:


P.O.V: PAN LEFT-TO-RIGHT UPSHOT.


ARRIVALS AND DEPARTURES DIGITAL DISPLAY.


CUT TO:


P.O.V: FRONTAL.


BRIGHTLY LIT SHOP KIOSK. PEOPLE WALKING PAST. TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


CUT TO:


RED BENCH.


PAN TO:


OLD BIN BASKET WITHOUT BLACK BIN LINER BESIDE RED BENCH.


PAN TO:


IN BETWEEN RED BENCH AND OLD BIN BASKET. THERE IS A LARGE, PLAIN PAPER WRAPPED PACKAGE TATTERED WITH DIRT AND GRIME.


ZOOM IN:


LARGE, PLAIN PAPER WRAPPED PACKAGE.


    NARRATOR'S VOICE:
    there's a parcel behind the red painted bench wedged in the place where the bin should be (Pause) if you put your ear close enough you can fool yourself into hearing a gentle (Pause) tick (Pause) tick (Pause) tick (Pause) but that's just your watch counting down (Pause) slowly
CUT TO:


(P.O.V.) ON RAILWAY PLATFORM. LOOKING DOWN LENGTH OF A TRAIN. PEOPLE COMING AND GOING FROM TRAIN - TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


CUT TO:


P.O.V: PAN RIGHT-TO-LEFT UPSHOT.


ARRIVALS AND DEPARTURES DIGITAL DISPLAY.


PAN TO:


CCTV CAMERA OVERLOOKING AREA WHERE SHOP KIOSK, BIN BASKET AND RED BENCH ARE.


    NARRATOR'S VOICE:
    a cctv camera watches brainlessly as announcements echo around the station
CUT TO:


P.O.V: OVERLOOKING RAILWAY STATION AND PLATFORMS. TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


CUT TO:


P.O.V: ON RAILWAY PLATFORM. TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS) LOOKING DOWN LENGTH OF A TRAIN. PEOPLE COMING AND GOING FROM TRAIN - TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


WE HEAR AN INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR METALLIC VOICE CONTINUE TO ANNOUNCE ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE TIMES. WE HEAR PEOPLE WALKING AND TALKING (ALL INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR).


    NARRATOR'S VOICE:
    and blurred people speed by to perdition
CUT TO:


P.O.V: FRONTAL.


BRIGHTLY LIT SHOP KIOSK. PEOPLE WALKING PAST. TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


WE HEAR AN INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR METALLIC VOICE CONTINUE TO ANNOUNCE ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE TIMES. WE HEAR PEOPLE WALKING AND TALKING (ALL INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR).


WE HEAR THE NOISE OF A TRAIN HORN AND THE CLACKITY-CLACK OF ANOTHER TRAIN SLOWING TO A STOP. WE HEAR ITS BRAKES SQUEAL.


WE HEAR A DEEPLY EXHALED BREATH.


FADE OUT.
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.

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Catherine Edmunds
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DIRECTOR'S NOTES - TREATMENT.

Postby Catherine Edmunds » Fri Sep 15, 2006 10:00 am

Woah! Good stuff, Lugh.

One problem though. British rail stations no longer have any bins on the platforms. That was the point of the parcel being where the bin should have been; they've all been removed because of the fear of people leaving bombs in them. (A bit of poetic irony...)

So the bin has to go.

Regarding the station, I had Newcastle in my mind when I was writing this, but any large Victorian station would do.

Excellent work, Lugh. I look forward to seeing how this project develops.

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WRITERS' AND PRODUCER'S NOTES - TREATMENT.

Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Fri Sep 15, 2006 11:13 am

delph_ambi wrote:Woah! Good stuff, Lugh.

One problem though. British rail stations no longer have any bins on the platforms. That was the point of the parcel being where the bin should have been; they've all been removed because of the fear of people leaving bombs in them. (A bit of poetic irony...)

So the bin has to go.

That's easily changed Delph. Will get back onto it later today. Thanks.

delph_ambi wrote:Regarding the station, I had Newcastle in my mind when I was writing this, but any large Victorian station would do.

Excellent work, Lugh. I look forward to seeing how this project develops.


Cheers :)
Last edited by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh on Sat Sep 16, 2006 4:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.

User avatar
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
site owner, media producer & writer
Posts: 2176
Joined: Fri Feb 24, 2006 7:32 am
Location: Derry, Ireland
Contact:

Waiting. By Catherine Edmunds ©. Adapted by Louis P. Burns ©

Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Sat Sep 16, 2006 3:55 am

Waiting
Poem by Catherine Edmunds aka delph_ambi / Htaeh1 ©.
Screenplay Adaptation by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh ©.
All rights of the artists involved are strictly reserved.


______________________________________________________


FADE IN.


INT: BUSY RAILWAY STATION. MID AFTERNOON.


WE HEAR AN INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR METALLIC VOICE ANNOUNCE ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE TIMES. WE HEAR PEOPLE WALKING AND TALKING (ALL INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR).


P.O.V: OVERLOOKING RAILWAY STATION AND PLATFORMS. TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


THERE ARE SEVERAL TRAINS AT DIFFERENT PLATFORMS. PEOPLE COMING FROM OR GOING TO THEM. WE HEAR THE NOISE OF A TRAIN HORN AND THE CLACKITY-CLACK OF ANOTHER TRAIN SLOWING TO A STOP. WE HEAR ITS BRAKES SQUEAL.


CUT TO:


P.O.V: ON RAILWAY PLATFORM. LOOKING DOWN LENGTH OF A TRAIN. PEOPLE COMING AND GOING FROM TRAIN - TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


WE HEAR AN INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR METALLIC VOICE CONTINUE TO ANNOUNCE ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE TIMES. WE HEAR PEOPLE WALKING AND TALKING (ALL INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR).


WE HEAR A DEEPLY INHALED BREATH.



    NARRATOR'S VOICE:
    the train now arriving on platform one will never leave (Pause)
CUT TO:


P.O.V: FRONTAL.


BRIGHTLY LIT SHOP KIOSK. PEOPLE WALKING PAST. TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


CUT TO:


P.O.V: PAN LEFT-TO-RIGHT UPSHOT.


ARRIVALS AND DEPARTURES DIGITAL DISPLAY.


CUT TO:


P.O.V: FRONTAL.


BRIGHTLY LIT SHOP KIOSK. PEOPLE WALKING PAST. TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


PAN TO:


POSTER ADVISING PEOPLE TO BE VIGILENT AND REPORT ANY SUSPICIOUS PACKAGES OR UNATTENDED BAGGAGE TO THE POLICE OR RAILWAY STAFF.


CUT TO:


RED BENCH.


PAN TO:


CONCRETE STUMP WHERE A BIN SHOULD BE, BESIDE RED BENCH.


PAN TO:


IN BETWEEN RED BENCH AND CONCRETE STUMP. THERE IS A LARGE, PLAIN PAPER WRAPPED PACKAGE, TATTERED WITH DIRT AND GRIME.


ZOOM IN:


LARGE, PLAIN PAPER WRAPPED PACKAGE.


    NARRATOR'S VOICE:
    there's a parcel behind the red painted bench wedged in the place where the bin should be (Pause) if you put your ear close enough you can fool yourself into hearing a gentle (Pause) tick (Pause) tick (Pause) tick (Pause) but that's just your watch counting down (Pause) slowly
CUT TO:


(P.O.V.) ON RAILWAY PLATFORM. LOOKING DOWN LENGTH OF A TRAIN. PEOPLE COMING AND GOING FROM TRAIN - TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


CUT TO:


P.O.V: PAN RIGHT-TO-LEFT UPSHOT.


ARRIVALS AND DEPARTURES DIGITAL DISPLAY.


PAN TO:


CCTV CAMERA OVERLOOKING AREA WHERE SHOP KIOSK, CONCRETE STUMP, PLAIN PAPER WRAPPED PACKAGE AND RED BENCH ARE.


    NARRATOR'S VOICE:
    a cctv camera watches brainlessly as announcements echo around the station
CUT TO:


P.O.V: OVERLOOKING RAILWAY STATION AND PLATFORMS. TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


CUT TO:


P.O.V: ON RAILWAY PLATFORM. LOOKING DOWN LENGTH OF A TRAIN. PEOPLE COMING AND GOING FROM TRAIN. TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


WE HEAR AN INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR METALLIC VOICE CONTINUE TO ANNOUNCE ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE TIMES. WE HEAR PEOPLE WALKING AND TALKING (ALL INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR).


    NARRATOR'S VOICE:
    and blurred people speed by to perdition
CUT TO:


P.O.V: FRONTAL.


BRIGHTLY LIT SHOP KIOSK. PEOPLE WALKING PAST. TIME-LAPSE (SPEEDED UP x 6. BLURRED OUT-OF-FOCUS).


WE HEAR AN INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR METALLIC VOICE CONTINUE TO ANNOUNCE ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE TIMES. WE HEAR PEOPLE WALKING AND TALKING (ALL INAUDIBLE / UNCLEAR).


WE HEAR THE NOISE OF A TRAIN HORN AND THE CLACKITY-CLACK OF ANOTHER TRAIN SLOWING TO A STOP. WE HEAR ITS BRAKES SQUEAL.


WE HEAR A DEEPLY EXHALED BREATH.


FADE OUT.
Last edited by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh on Sat Feb 03, 2007 8:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.

User avatar
Catherine Edmunds
artist, poet & writer
Posts: 428
Joined: Fri May 05, 2006 8:05 pm
Location: north east england
Contact:

Postby Catherine Edmunds » Sat Sep 16, 2006 3:11 pm

Yep, that works :)

Thanks Lugh. Quite apart from anything else, it's really interesting to see how this looks in screenplay formatting.

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Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Sat Sep 16, 2006 3:33 pm

What I like about this form is that so much of the subject matter can be revealed with camera angles and P.O.V. shots.

I found the challenge of addressing the potential of a bomb planted in an old bin stump an interesting one. In your initial response about the lack of bins in UK railway stations these days I pondered how best to relay this to any audience. The anti-terrorist / suspect packages' poster sprang to mind. If this piece goes through any further treatments, this can be even more sublime. That said, and I hate to sound so smug, this is a workable screenplay adaptation of your poem. I am quite proud of it.

I honestly believe it should be submitted to the various Arts Councils for England, Ireland and Northern Ireland now. The subject matter is relevant to today and current fears running through the minds of us all.

Thank you for allowing this project to proceed Delph.
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.

User avatar
Catherine Edmunds
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Posts: 428
Joined: Fri May 05, 2006 8:05 pm
Location: north east england
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Postby Catherine Edmunds » Sat Sep 16, 2006 3:46 pm

Perhaps you could start a new thread on how to submit stuff to such bodies, as frankly Lugh, I haven't a clue, and it's the sort of information that would be extremely useful.

spacecadet
visitor

Postby spacecadet » Sat Sep 16, 2006 3:53 pm

I was always a little non-plussed when the bins were taken away from stations. I mean, if the IRA loved bombs so much then why did they keep throwing them away? And do they not have bins at home? I can only suppose that the bins were removed because explosives were classed as non-recyclable waste and we were trying to teach the Provos a lesson. The proliferation of "Take your rubbish home" posters didn't get the message across.

Oh well. That's the Provos for you.

(Spacecadetdave - a political situation has never occured which I cannot refuse to understand.)

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Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Sat Sep 16, 2006 5:07 pm

delph_ambi wrote:Perhaps you could start a new thread on how to submit stuff to such bodies, as frankly Lugh, I haven't a clue, and it's the sort of information that would be extremely useful.


If you give me a bit of time with this Delph, I will indeed research funding application for collaborative works. What I do know for now is that there are bursaries for individual artists and groups of artists / writers albeit quite low amounts initially. That said, this is a piece that could be shot in a few days if some seed monies or private sponsorship were advanced. The good thing about that is the Arts & Business Council match fund projects that have gained backing from the Business community.

Also, if in the process of filming this screen adaptation of your poem there were logos from established businesses displayed. For example; if the kiosk mentioned in the script was for a chain of established stores, it would not be unreasonable to approach their head offices under product placement guidelines and ask for their financial support.

This piece has the potential to take off and become a reality. I am willing as part of my production role to research any and all sources of support for it.
_____________

spacecadet wrote:I was always a little non-plussed when the bins were taken away from stations. I mean, if the IRA loved bombs so much then why did they keep throwing them away?


Dunno mate. Ask them...

spacecadet wrote:And do they not have bins at home? I can only suppose that the bins were removed because explosives were classed as non-recyclable waste and we were trying to teach the Provos a lesson. The proliferation of "Take your rubbish home" posters didn't get the message across.

Hmmm? You may be onto something there Dave... Quick. Get your pipe and deerstalker.

spacecadet wrote:Oh well. That's the Provos for you.

Rascals. I couldn't eat a whole one...

spacecadet wrote:
(Spacecadetdave - a political situation has never occured which I cannot refuse to understand.)

What about; The People's Front of Judea Campaign then?

Hyperlink in this message is to;
http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/brian/brian-07.htm
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.


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