Jokes...

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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Jokes...

Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Wed Apr 26, 2006 9:33 pm

Tell each other jokes in here...

I'll get the ball rolling with an old favourite of mine...

    Q: What was old, rusty and leaned against Canterbury Cathedral for several years?
    A: Terry Waits' bike..!
Last edited by Louis P. Burns aka Lugh on Sat Feb 17, 2007 9:02 pm, edited 7 times in total.
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
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DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


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joanne chapman
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Postby joanne chapman » Wed Apr 26, 2006 9:55 pm

Elton John goes to a tatoo shop.

'I want a Rolls Royce Tattoo on my cock' said elton

The tattooist said 'better make it a land rover mate, think of the amount of shit it has to go through'.

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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
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Posts: 2184
Joined: Fri Feb 24, 2006 7:32 am
Location: Derry, Ireland
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Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:44 pm

And some news just in...

A ship carrying several thousand yo-yo's has sunk off the Southeast of England.

83 times :P
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.

joanne chapman
activist and campaigner
Posts: 259
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2006 11:29 pm
Location: essex, england
Contact:

Postby joanne chapman » Wed Apr 26, 2006 11:09 pm

This is an old one, like myself.

A young native indian boy goes to his chief and asks, how do you come to name the young?

The chief said, well when the child arrives, I go outside and take a look around. If I see the sun rising then the child will be named 'rising sun', if I see a deer running then the child will be named 'running deer'.

Why do you ask 'two dogs fucking'?

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Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
site owner, media producer & writer
Posts: 2184
Joined: Fri Feb 24, 2006 7:32 am
Location: Derry, Ireland
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Postby Louis P. Burns aka Lugh » Thu Apr 27, 2006 11:40 am

CLEVER LITTLE DOG...

A butcher is laying out trays of meat on his display shelves one morning when a little Jack Russell dog comes walking into the store with a piece of paper and a money bag hanging out of its' mouth.

The butcher smiles. He leans forward and prizes the note and bag from the dog. He reads the note which says;
    "This is Barney my dog. Please give him £5.00's worth of best quality back bacon".
The butcher, seeing an opportunity to make some quick and easy cash, tries to give the dog cheap streaky bacon instead. The dog growls and snarls. The butcher promptly replaces the meat with best quality back bacon. The dog turns and walks out of the store with the bag of meat hanging from its' jaw. The butcher thinks to himself;
    'Now that's one clever little dog'...
The next morning the dog walks back into the store with another note and money bag. The butcher reaches and reads the note which says;
    "Please give Barney £5.00's worth of chicken breast fillets"...
The butcher decides to test the dog and gives it turkey breast meat instead. The dog growls and snarls. The butcher is impressed and quickly changes the turkey for chicken. The dog walks out of the store wagging its' tail. Again, the butcher thinks;
    'Clever little dog'...
The next morning Barney the dog is back in the store and has another money bag and note hanging from his lips. The butcher smiles, reaches down and takes the the lot. He reads the note which says;
    "Please give Barney £5.00's worth of Sirloin steak"...
More from curiosity than anything else the butcher tries to give the dog low quality frying steak instead. The dog growls and snarls so the butcher quickly changes the meat for Sirloin. The dog turns and walks out of the store. The butcher grabs his coat and locks the shop up.

He follows the dog across town through a park and past a pond to a block of apartments. The dog walks into an elevator and the butcher gets in as well. He looks down at the dog and smiles. Pretty soon the elevator gets to the 12th floor and the dogs trots out. It runs down the hall and the butcher watches as it scratches at a front door. The door opens and a big, fat, hairy arm appears, grabs the dog by the throat and swings it around in the air. Then it punches the dog so hard it flies across the hall and slides down the opposite wall.

The butcher is furious and runs down the hallway yelling;
    "Hey ya bastard..! Leave that poor dog alone..! He's very clever"..!
He comes face to face with the owner of the dog who looks confused and shouts;
    "Clever? Clever"..!
The butcher shouts;
    "Yeah. Clever little dog that dog"..!
The owner roars back;
    "Clever my feckin' arse..! That's the third time this week he's forgotten his keys"..!
Louis P. Burns aka Lugh
Administrator, editor & owner of the Sensitize © online community of forums and domain for artists, e-poets, filmmakers, media/music producers and writers working through here. To buy the Kindle book of Illustrated Poetry, Sensitize © - Volume One / Poems that could be Films if they were Funded by myself with illustrations by Welsh filmmaker and graphic artist; Norris Nuvo click here for N. Ireland and UK sales. If purchasing in the U.S.A. or internationally then please click here.

ASIN B00L1RS0UI

My writing is not covered by Creative Commons policy and may not be republished without permission. All rights reserved. All Sensitize © Arts sponsorship donations and postal inquiries to:

Louis P. Burns
42 Farland Way
DERRY
N. Ireland.
BT48 0RS
Telephone (UK): 028 71219225


Click here to Join Sensitize © Arts via Facebook or to contact the site owner: Louis P. Burns aka Lugh with any forum hosting or site related inquiries.


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